The Feline Warrior

on the ground face up wounds still fresh pupils dilating

drowning in my own blood

another inch of my skin hardens another beat of my heart weakens

no longer able to live no longer dare to die my eyelids fight hard to open one last time before saying goodbye

and yet seeing what is in my sight —

my flesh, they politicize my gore, they politicize no one prays no one cries do they really care about another fellow human as much as they do about their own agendas that they all rush to justify or criticize or glorify or vilify

out of the countless bullet holes on me, they try to squeeze out one last drop of blood on which they won’t hesitate to capitalize

will this repeat all over again when the next one like me loses their life

50 years ago today That’s when my mother was born And 27 years ago today That’s the day my mother died

But I still wonder why I wonder why my mother died And I still wonder why I wonder why she deserved to die

Back in the year 1989, she was still living and breathing When tens of thousands gathered on Tiananmen Square, Beijing She wanted to join them, but couldn’t get a train ticket So the local town hall is where the young lady headed

In her hands placards, in her mouth pleading cries I can only imagine what she was motivated by “Democracy now” and “no more corruption,” Chanted all those exercising their civil right

Then one day they heard the news from Beijing, scared and terrified Where tanks rumbled through human bodies and bullets began to fly Never mind the “freedom of speech, assembly and demonstration” Clearly written in the Constitution, Article 35

My mother trekked back home in utter silence and confusion While her friends were kicked out of school and thrown in prison Little did she know, those cameras also caught her presence And a “re-education” camp is where she would be sent

Having spent a month in the camp, she waved an apologetic goodbye All the “conspiracies” and “wrongdoings,” she’d finally admitted to and testified Her faith in the Communist Party was finally restored Knowing not a word of English, she repented of working for the “American spies”

Fast-forward 27 years, her soul case is still breathing Yes, even today, still breathing, eating, drinking, talking But her soul is long gone, dead somewhere in that camp And ever since that day, my mother is no longer living

But I still wonder why I wonder why I haven’t died And I still wonder why I wonder why I deserve to survive

This poem is dedicated to a certain kind of American journalists. And also to those who don’t see anything wrong in this.

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“The Hitler Youth was such an evil organization,” One of you hypocrites said “Because shoving politics down the kids’ throats is wrong,” You hypocrites said

But I’m sure as hell y’all didn’t say a damn thing When they signed me up to be a “Young Pioneer” at the age of 5 Or when I was forced to join the Communist Youth League when I was 13 Because, you know, shoving politics down the kids’ throats is wrong, Like you hypocrites said

Y’all losing your shit when those felons in Arkansas got executed But when a certain country executes more than all others combined So their organs can be harvested and sold and profited off of You goddamn hypocrites aren’t saying jack shit

Y’all losing your shit when Trump called for government surveillance of mosques But when a certain country has already been doing that for, like, decades With government-appointed imams and government-approved prayers You goddamn hypocrites aren’t saying jack shit

Y’all love freedom of speech and expression, and guess what, I do too But I wonder what you — any of you said When the three guys in Hong Kong just got locked up not long ago Even though their protest was more peaceful than anything you’ve seen in America

Y’all say you detest Nazism and fascism, and guess what, I do too But I wonder what you — any of you said When another kind of totalitarianism has claimed four times as many human lives And yet the “don’t normalize Trump” crowd got no problem normalizing that shit

Seriously, like, where is the condemnation? Where is the outrage? Where, I’m asking you, where on earth did your motherfucking outrage even go?

Yeah, where’s your outrage? Is it on the streets in Tibet that actual soldiers are rolling on in actual military tanks, since you care so much about minorities? Is it with the refugees that China deported back to North Korea where they got executed, since you care so much about refugees? Is it against the forced abortion and forced sterilization of those who tried to have more than one child, since you call yourself “pro-choice”? Or, I wonder, is your outrage in that goddamn labor camp where my own grandmother almost died at the age of 15?

I thought y’all, like, cared about universal human rights Oh wait, I forgot American Lives Matter That’s what you hypocrites actually believe in

You fucking hypocrites

He who is scared of the sun Doesn’t know yet what has just begun

For the shine dazzles and blinds the eyes Of a man confined to the absence of light

But make no mistake, he is not in any pain When the beams meet every inch of his soul He will be ready to be born once again

with sympathies and apologies to the children in Aleppo and all other young souls alike, past and present, whose innocence is over and again trampled and robbed by us adults, collectively

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Mom, tell me why? Why? Why do they keep shooting each other? Why do the bombs keep falling down? The machine guns, why are they so loud? Do they really hate each other? Why? Why, Mom? Why? Where’s Dad? I haven’t seen him for so long, is he okay? Do we still have food? Mom, what if they come after us? What if they bomb our house? Mom, I’m cold, Mom? Will we have a place to stay? Are you listening, Mom? Please, tell me, Mom? When I grow up, will I have to be one of them? Can I just be a kid forever? ’Cause I just don’t understand why they fight, Mom? Didn’t you say good kids shouldn’t pick fights, Mom? But why do grown-ups fight each other, and never stop? Mom? I’m scared, Mom? I’m really, really, really scared, Mom? Are we safe? Can we just run away? I just don’t want to see my friends dying anymore, Mom? Is that too much to ask? Kids in other places, why can they go to school? Why, Mom? Why can they eat, why can they stay warm? I don’t understand any of this, you know? How long will all this last? How long will things be like this? What’s wrong with all these people, Mom? Do they really have to kill each other? Why? Do they hate us too, Mom? Does anyone know we are scared? Anyone? Anyone at all? People in other places, Mom, do they know about us? Who are the bad guys? And who are the good ones? Tell me, Mom, ’cause I can’t tell anymore? Mom? Mom? Mom? Are you listening, Mom? Mom, wake up, Mom? Mom? Mom? Can you hear me, Mom? Don’t leave me, Mom, promise me, promise me Mom? You’re not leaving me, right, right Mom? Mom? Are you there? Don’t, Mom, please don’t? Don’t, don’t leave me, Mom? Don’t leave me, Mom? Mom? Please, please, please, please? Please don’t die, Mom? Wake up, Mom, wake up? Mom? Mom? Wake up, Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?…

wear your mask wear your mask like “eat your vegetables” as in, do it so you won’t get sick wear your mask as your plane forces a landing at Beijing Capital International Airport wear your mask as your eyelids are covered with nothing but dirt and smog wear your mask as your car remains stuck on National Highway G3 for five hours wear. your. mask. wear your mask, and keep it on, and don’t breathe, don’t breathe, don’t take in the bad air, or breathe as little as you can and pretend, that this country’s always been a wonderful place and pretend, that the pollution has never existed wear your mask

wear your mask wear your mask so you won’t be talking and you can keep your mouth shut wear your mask during the days when they tell you to shut the hell up wear your mask during more and more arguments you’re not supposed to win wear your mask during your final rebuttal that is so hopeless, so disempowered wear. your. mask. wear your mask, and keep it on, and don’t speak, don’t speak, don’t utter a single syllable ‘cause they don’t want to hear any of it and pretend, that your voice is as negligible as your existence and pretend, that you never want to be heard or respected to begin with wear your mask

wear your mask wear your mask so you won’t show your lips so you cannot kiss anyone, or be kissed wear your mask because you don’t dare to show any affection anymore wear your mask because you've long forgot what falling in love feels like wear your mask because you are bound to live in confusion and perplexity wear. your. mask. wear your mask, and keep it on, and don’t feel, don’t feel, don’t contemplate, and try to guard and distance yourself from your feelings and pretend, that you don’t really sense any pain and pretend, that you don’t need to hide from the world wear your mask

wear your mask wear your mask so no one can see your face and if no one sees your face, no one can see your personality wear your mask when you are so desperate to fit in wear your mask when you try so hard to be what they want you to be wear your mask when you fear that you will never be good enough wear. your. mask. wear your mask, and keep it on. and — you know, when you keep a mask on for too long the mask actually becomes your face.

or it’s maybe the other way around — maybe, just maybe, your face becomes your mask. but who knows? and, I mean, who cares? just don’t take it off. like everybody else. just wear that fucking mask.